The Costco Canada food court is the subject of much fanfare and folklore, but how good actually is the food? I decided to find out once and for all.
Oh, Costco. Guarded by the forces of annual membership and enshrouded in Kirkland-branded mystery, it still seems to be universally beloved — thanks, in particular, to their prices, which remain impossibly low even amid higher-than-ever costs of living.
I, myself, have never had the luxury of boasting a Costco membership, so hadn’t known the joys of the bulk retailer, and its equally iconic food court, save for a handful of trips in my childhood.
In spite of that, or perhaps because of it, Costco’s always held a particular mystique for me, and unable to bear it any longer, I decided to go to Thorncliffe Park to find out, once and for all, what all the fuss is about.
Suffice it to say, I’m flirting with getting a Costco membership myself as we speak.
At this juncture, it’s important to note that I didn’t sample the ice cream cone, nor all of the different possible permutations of sundae flavours and toppings. Why? Because it’s March, it’s freezing, and this food court isn’t insulated. Don’t worry, though, I don’t think it hurt the ice cream’s rating.
Without further ado, here’s my ranking of everything on the Costco Canada Food Court menu from best to worst.
1. All Beef Hot Dog
I mean, come on, does it really get better than a Costco hotdog?
Prior to this experience, I’d never actually had the pleasure of sinking my teeth into one of these bad boys, but now that I have, it most certainly won’t be the last.
While, critically speaking, it’s about as standard as you can get; roasted under a heat lamp and wrapped ever so lovingly in a soft bun, there’s absolutely wrong with that.
It’s also made all the better by knowing that it only costs $1.50 and it includes a drink, which, in this economy, almost feels like you made money on the whole transaction.
2. Ice Cream Sundae
I scream, you scream, we all scream because it’s way too cold to be eating an ice cream sundae. Even despite the cold, though, this sweet treat really stood out.
I opted for chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream topped with chocolate sauce, but you also have the option of going for plain vanilla or plain chocolate ice cream as well as caramel or berry toppings.
At $3.49, it’s a pretty generous serving or ice cream truck-level soft serve, but you can also go for a $2.89 ice cream cone if you want to forgo all the bells and whistles.
3. Poutine
I’ve got to give it up to Costco Canada for including a quintessentially Canadian dish for their north-of-the-border customers, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by what they achieved here.
At $6.99, this dish falls slightly toward the pricier side, but it makes up for that with an absolutely hefty portion. The gravy was surprisingly good, very thick and full of flavour, and coated the crispy fries (more on that later) all the way through to the bottom.
My one qualm is that Costco doesn’t seem to yet subscribe to the so-hot-it-burns-your-tasebuds approach when it comes to gravy, so the curds didn’t melt quite as well as you’d hope.
4. Cheese Pizza Slice
I’ll admit it: I like pineapple on pizza. I also like literally anything and everything on pizza. Anchovies? Check. Mushrooms? Absolutely. Heck, I’ll even give poached onions a la Speducci Mercatto a try.
That’s why I was so surprised when the plain cheese pizza slice at Costco kind of blew me away. There’s absolutely nothing fancy happening here, but that’s kind of part of the charm.
At $2.59, you definitely can’t argue with the price, especially when it comes with a decidedly massive slice, a generous slathering of delightfully rubbery mozzarella cheese and a paper plate that dutifully absorbs any residual grease.
5. Pepperoni Pizza Slice
I mean, this is a no-brainer. It’s basically the same thing as the cheese slice, but with pepperoni — go figure! The thin slices of pepperoni crisp up very nicely in the Costco ovens, and do that thing I especially love when they harbour little pools of grease.
If the cheese slice hadn’t blown me away quite so much, this probably would’ve ranked higher, but hey, the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants cheese.
6. Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie
This one gets five big booms. After rising to the level of Internet fame, thanks to Costco Guy Sr., A.J.’s affinity for them, even if he tends to mix up the name, this was absolutely a must-try.
I’m happy to report that it’s at least kind of worth the hype. At $3.49, it’s hard to swallow the fact that this cookie costs more than hot dogs and fountain drinks for two, but it does make a strong case for itself in terms of size.
This cookie is an absolute whopper; about the size of half a grapefruit and infinitely soft, if you’ve got a dominant sweet tooth, I imagine you’d be crazy for this. Unfortunately, I don’t, and I couldn’t see past the strange artificial after taste it left me with.
7. Chicken Strips and Fries
At $7.99, this is the most expensive item on the menu, and I’m sorry to report that I was kind of expecting more.
The fries, which are, admittedly, pretty good, occupy about 80 per cent of the box, which, in my case at least, was topped with four small strips, leaving me to ask myself ‘where’s the (metaphorical) beef?’
I will give it some bonus points for what chicken strips were hidden among the fries. They’re actually pretty good, well seasoned, and were still hot even after we spent a half hour taking editorial quality photos of them. If only there had been more.
8. Polish Sausage
There’s nothing technically wrong with the Polish sausage, which, like its golden boy brother, the hot dog, is priced at just $1.50, but there’s nothing particularly right with it either.
I actually spent a good amount of time at the Costco food court trying to figure out which meat tube was which, or whether they had just given us two hot dogs by accident. Ultimately, I figured out that the Polish sausage was the one that tastes kind of like a hot dog, but not quite.
There’s no unique flavour profile that particularly stands out, nor anything different about its presentation, so, personally, I’ll just stick to by beloved hot dog.
9. Fries
Look, the fries at Costco are good. They’ve got the sort of crispy, bubbled and lightly-salted coating you’d expect from a hockey rink snack bar, which invokes a particular sense of nostalgia that I think greatly benefits them because, ultimately, they’re just $3.49 French fries.
You can pick up a side of that luscious gravy for just 30 cents, though, which could really help these guys out.
